For instance, the first time I met her, she drove her truck on to the sidewalk in front of me and hollered out the window, "Out of the way, fat ass!" That may sound cruel, but in fact, it was the motivation I needed to start my diet, which I am proud to say was very successful.
Anyway, I went to see Martha after lunch so she could help me unravel the conundrum of the contradictory fortune (which is also my favorite Sam Spade novel, by the way). I found her on the street having a scuffle with a homeless man over a pair of old shoes that had obviously been plucked from the garbage moments before. When I stepped in between the two to help end the skirmish, Martha pulled a crystal ball from her purse and hit me in the face with it, knocking me out cold.
When I came to, I found that my shoes were missing and someone had urinated on my feet. I wasn't upset about this though, I had another shoe at home, and this certainly wasn't the first time I had been micturated upon while unconscious. I was however, disappointed by not being able to clear up my confusing fortune.
It's now late in the evening and I have not yet been approached by a stranger, or received a wonderful surprise. I can think of only two reasons why this would be; the first is that the contradictory fortunes some how cancelled each other out, and the second has to do with global warming, although I'm not quite sure how just yet.
The moral of the story is that you should not put too much faith in the wisdom of a fortune cookie, and most importantly, always carry an extra pair of shoes.