At last I figured out what it is I want to do with my life. After all these years I've finally discovered the career I've always been looking for. The crazy thing is, I didn't even know it existed until about a month ago.
I recently came across an advertisement that asked its readers three questions followed by a brief statement;
My dog, Edgar Allan Poop, was recently diagnosed with Canine Lymphoma. It's a common type of cancer that affects lymph nodes, bone marrow, liver, and spleen, but can also be found in the eyes, skin, and gastrointestinal tract. The exact cause isn't exactly known yet, although my buddy Kainen thinks (and I agree) it's probably caused by sniffing too many crotches.