1776 will long be remembered for three significant occurrences; the drafting of the Declaration of Independence, on July 4th, the first use of the term "Yolo," and the founding of the super secret guild bent on global power known as, the Illuminati.
Growing up I never gave much thought to sticking things up my butt, it seemed uncomfortable, potentially messy, and something that would most certainly haunt my dreams. But that was long before my friend Dan informed me of the "bad toxins" that were coursing through my colon as a result of too many cheese slices and Skittles.
A commission established to advise Pope Francis on preventing sexual abuse of minors in the church, released a report last Monday outlining new measures it hopes will help safeguard vulnerable children.
The following account is as truthful as any other you may read on this subject.
It began with a light more brilliant than a million stove clocks. I felt no fear or worry, my nerves were steady and my body was relaxed. As the world I knew vanished before my eyes, the same exhilaration I feel when snorting Pop-Rocks, washed over my body. I had no regrets or longing for any of my earthly possessions, other than my cell phone, chap stick, nail file, ear buds, vaporizer, yo-yo, and about a dozen other things I could easily have fit in a fanny pack, had I only known I were dying.
Being a collector of flamingo-related items, seems like an amusing and sensible way to spend your money, but it's not without it's drawbacks. As any serious hoarder can tell you, finding the space to proudly display your collection around the home, can be difficult as you accumulate more and more of whatever it is you have chosen to waste your life on.