It also got me thinking about what else the government must be raining down upon us from passing aircraft. I see those white lines criss-crossing the sky all the time and never once thought to investigate their contents, until now.
Luckily, my neighbour collects toy planes from around the world and once even flew in an airplane, which makes him an expert on the subject, in my opinion.
According to him, the elites that control the government are slowly spraying a thin layer of turkey gravy from most aircraft on a daily basis in order to varnish the population with a delicious coating of juicy goodness, thereby making us "munch ready" for the soon to arrive alien hordes. Once here the aliens could either eat us as is, or dip us in swimming pools filled with ranch dressing and enjoy our flesh over a nice glass of space wine.
This explanation from my nutty neighbour was about the dumbest thing I'd ever heard, not only because the premise was completely unrealistic, but also because everybody knows you should never put a viscous material in your swimming pool unless you want to clog the filter, but I guess I should have known better than to ask the opinion of someone who refers to Paul Newman as "that salad dressing guy." There must be another explanation which was a little more sensible.
A quick search of my surrogate brain (Google) uncovered a myriad of explanations for this misty phenomenon, many of which contradicted each other, leaving me even more confused then before I started looking.
One explanation suggests the government is seeding clouds with sinister chemicals used to poison the population. This extremely dangerous mixture of chemicals includes: radioactive thorium, cadmium, nickel, desiccated blood, mold spores, poison toad juice, wolf semen, and bits of that weird yellow ring that forms on your toilet when you don't clean it. I'd like to believe this one is true, but the website I found it on also suggested Adolf Hitler is still alive and working at an Olive Garden just outside Jacksonville, Florida, so it's probably a lot of bullshit.
Another website claims the government is spraying barium powders and letting them photo-ionize in the ultraviolet light of the sun, which eventually leads to the creation of a plasma beam weapon. This would be an offensive and defensive weapon used against electro magnetic attacks, missiles, and surprise water balloon onslaughts. What it doesn't do is stop people from punching you in the face or kicking you in the groin, so it seems kind of useless to me.
Every explanation I come across makes it very clear that loading planes with all sorts of dangerous chemicals and spraying them on the populace is as simple as 1,2,4, but they never really answer some obvious questions, like why would anyone spray poison in the same air they, their children, their friends, and their pets, all breath? I don't see a lot of people in the government walking around with gas masks to prevent inhaling the poison they just squirted from the sky. Then again, I don't get out a lot, so maybe they're everywhere and I just haven't noticed.
And why would the government (or whomever) use opaque trails of gas easily visible to everyone below? If I was attempting to imbue the human race with poison of some kind, I wouldn't do it in such an obvious way. If anyone from the government is reading this, try slipping it in to our water supply, or put it in ice cream, everybody loves ice cream and nobody cares if it's bad for them.
Not that they need to spray poison of any kind. Crop dusting the entire Middle East with marijuana would go a long way to calming that entire region the fuck down. It's hard to give a shit about someone burning a Quran when your elbow deep in a bag of Funyuns and watching Looney Tunes. Or try spraying steroids everywhere, can you imagine how great the next Olympics would be if everyone on the planet could run a 1 minute mile, or bench-press a dump truck?
Admittedly, I never paid much attention in physics or science class, so I truly have no idea if anything other than temperature is causing the trails I see in the sky, I just doubt the government wants to kill off it's tax base thereby ending all the important projects they are able to fund, like 2014's endeavor to teach mountain lions to run on a treadmill, or Yale's 2005 project to study the oddities of the duck penis. Without taxpayer dollars we may have never known that ducks have a crooked wiener or mountain lions are fast.
Until I see some real proof of this world wide conspiracy or start hearing doctors questioning the massive increase in poisonings around the world, I'm going to disbelieve all the stories I hear about chemtrails, I will however continue to wear my gasmask everywhere I go, but that's because I think it looks cool, not because I'm scared of poison.