I known that many among you are probably saying to yourselves, "How the hell can the earth be hollow, when we all know that it's flat?" This would be a good question if asked by someone recently head-butted by a buffalo, but the rest of us know darn well the concept of a flat earth has been debunked for almost twelve years now. Those who still cling to this ludicrous fallacy should be rounded up and shot into space, where they can see the earth in all it's spherical majesty, before drifting into oblivion.
I'm sure many people find the notion of a hollow earth to be a little silly considering what they were taught in school or have seen on various nature documentaries, but you shouldn't believe everything you're told by apparent experts. Just look at how many academics and university directors think it's a good idea to allow "safe spaces" and "trigger warnings" on campus. Anyone who gives a student Silly-Putty and coloring books because they're upset about Trump winning, can't be trusted.
So what makes me think its hollow? There are several reasons, the most prominent being the giant hole in the north pole. According to people who call themselves experts, there is a hole several miles wide located at the north pole which NASA is actively trying to conceal by blurring all satellite images of the area. This hole leads to the core of the planet where a civilization of ancient beings live and work with complete knowledge that we are right above them.
There are probably not many people willing to go to the north pole to see the hole firsthand, but that doesn't mean you can't prove it to yourself by using nothing more than a shovel, some rope, and a great deal of spare time. I've personally attempted on several occasions to dig to the center of the earth, without success. I'm always getting stopped by a leaky sewage pipe, or smelly coffin, which tells me I need to scout my locations a little better.
Every government around the world knows about this hole, except maybe North Korea, I'm not sure they even know about electricity yet. They have all conspired to keep the knowledge of its existence a secret, knowing full well that if society found out about the hole they would begin dropping pennies and old refrigerators down it, which would eventually land on someone's head. It's feared that this may unintentionally start a war with the center dwellers, leading to the eventual destruction of the human race.
Detractors say that for a conspiracy this size to work, you would need millions of people in on it, and in an age where everyone is on some type of social media and walking around with a high quality camera in their pocket, the odds of keeping this quiet are about as good as Victoria's Secret selling burkas, but that doesn't mean its not reality. There's been many so called conspiracies in the past that have turned out to be true; the Gulf of Tonkin, the Black Sox Scandal, Operation Northwoods, Michelle Obama is a man.
It is also said that the many sightings of U.F.O.'s which occur around the world, are not beings from another planet, but the creatures at the bottom of that hole. They use saucer shaped aircrafts to keep an eye on us, and often come up just to see a movie, or have a cigarette, which they must smoke at a distance of no less than twenty feet from the entrance of the hole, according to Smoking Bylaw 7597(a), section 4.
The inhabitants are said by many to be several thousand years advanced in technology and intellect, but in reality they are similar to us in most respects. I know this because one of them attends my gym regularly. He says that he comes "topside" every few days to use the elliptical and eat the free mints at the counter, but I think he just likes watching the woman's yoga class.
He's told me all kinds of interesting details about the world below my feet, and I tend to believe him, then again I tend to believe Pierce Brosnan is the best James Bond, so what the hell do I know.
Not that any of this really matters. The earth being hollow isn't going to change anything, it's not like I'm going to stop going to work or paying my taxes. I may stop wearing pants, but that's just a personal preference rather than a consequence of a hollow planet.
As a matter of fact, everyone I mention it to doesn't seem to care about a hollow earth, or even the possibility of a surprise attack from the civilization dwelling within. Their not scared that one day the earth may crack open and thousands of military craft will burst forth and start vaporizing their skulls. Not that I think this will happen, I just like to find the negativity in everything.
I don't care if there's no evidence or logic behind this claim. I know it's real and there's nothing anyone can say to change my mind, which may make me sound close minded, but in reality I'm just a stubborn, asshole.
Someone, somewhere, sometime, will prove this hypothesis to be true, and on that day, me, and the four other guys who believe it, will finally be able to walk down the street without being called crazy, or taunted by angry children, but until that day, I guess I'll just keep digging.