Prayer is the key to the chastity belt of God. It relieves our guilt when we've done wrong, reminds us we are worthless swine, and gives us something to do on the toilet, all for the glory of God.
When I read Paul’s words in Colossians 4:2, “Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful,” I wonder….how will I find the time to pray when I'm busy sinning against God? And then I remember that Paul lived almost a hundred years ago or something, in a time without Call of Duty or pizza delivery, so all he did for entertainment was milk his chickens and pray to God. The stupefying number of distractions we currently wade through makes it far more difficult for us to find time to talk with our invisible friend, than Paul could ever have imagined.
You don't have to pray every day and you certainly don't need to pray in the same manner each time. Prayer grows dull when we turn it into a purely mental exercise. We are creative beings, so why not bring creativity into our prayer lives? If you are a Christian, punching a Scientologist or burning a Quran can help send a signal to your brain that it's time to talk to God. Whereas a follower of Muhammad may castrate an infidel or bury his wife up to her neck to get in the mood.
I have problems concentrating on anything that doesn't involve nudity so I keep a prayer journal to help me focus. Throughout the course of my day I jot down my requests for God so I can keep track of every time He ignores me, which is a lot.
The most important thing about a prayer journal is that it is written from the heart. A journal records your journey with God, it is a place to confess your perverted nature and beg God not to burn you for it. A place where you can express your most repugnant thoughts and be forgiven (hopefully).
Many people think they don't have time to pray but these are just excuses. Prayer is compatible with everyday life and those who tell you different are probably possessed by the devil and should be ignored or shot. All it takes is 5-10 minutes a day to keep God from lighting you on fire the moment you die, so why not make the time?
I’ve used many of these excuses myself too many times in my life, and they still creep back in. Some common excuses are:
- "I've tried to pray but I'm always too drunk to remember the words."
- "God knows I think He's an asshole, so what's the point?"
- "I'm very homophobic and being on my knees scares me."
- "I only beg for sex, not forgiveness."
The truth is prayer is essential for God. Without prayer His ego begins to shrink causing Him to throw hissy-fits that wipe out whole cities with tsunami waves and plagues that make you bleed from your ass until dead. We must find time to pray, not only for our own salvation but for the salvation of every person on the planet...except Mormons, those freaks are going to burn.
It may be difficult for some to see the purpose of prayer considering God's omniscience allows him to know our desires before we do. Long before we pray God has already made His decision to grant our prayers or ignore them like an unconscious drunk on the sidewalk. So why bother praying if God already knows what we want and weather or not He will grant it? Honestly, I don't know, I'll have to pray on that one.
I know many people who have made the proclamation that prayer doesn't work for them so they don't bother with it anymore. Fuck those people. The reason their prayers are not answered is not the fault of the Lord, it is theirs. If you spend your days fornicating with fresh fruit, then offer up a half hearted request for forgiveness, God is going to tell you to go back to your zucchini and leave him alone. Sincerity and grace are absolutely necessary when asking for anything in prayer.
So find the time in your day to have an honest conversation with the creator of ringworm and hemorrhoids. Tell Him your secrets, your dreams, and your desires. And don't be afraid to ask for things like a new car or an autographed picture of Jesus. God has the power to grant any wish, and he just may grant yours.