Muslim employees can only commit jihad during meal breaks, according to a new policy imposed at Stimulators Manufacturing in Salina, Kansas.
"This is blatant discrimination." Employee Rishaan Abdullah told WBS News. "What's wrong with allowing me to kill a few infidels so I can return to work in a good mood? Its not like I'm asking to blow up the owners daughter for exposing her ankles."
"This is blatant discrimination." Employee Rishaan Abdullah told WBS News. "What's wrong with allowing me to kill a few infidels so I can return to work in a good mood? Its not like I'm asking to blow up the owners daughter for exposing her ankles."
Until it was announced last Friday, Muslim employees at Stimulators were permitted to leave their station at the production line to commit jihad when they felt it necessary. The policy change affects 64 workers, 63 of which indicated that they had no intention of committing jihad and could care less about the policy change.
"We're just trying to earn a living here without stirring up too much trouble." Stimulators employee Ibrahim Hurr told WBS News. "Rishaan is the only one making a fuss about having to wait until lunch break to blow-up apostates. I keep telling him that Allah is fine with waiting until the weekend to toss homosexuals off a roof, but he wont listen."
Social justice warriors, taking a break from attacking men and policing language, say employees at the company, which makes sexual devices shaped like Star Wars characters, are being forced to quit because their religious rights are being infringed upon.
"By forcing jihadists to commit acts of holy war only during coffee and lunch breaks, it paints our country out to be awash with narrow-minded bigots." Says Joseph Berne, head of the 'Intolerance of Intolerance Project'. "Do you really want people to be stripped of their right to stab an atheist or two in the afternoon? Or toss a water balloon filled with acid into the face of a girl heading to school? I sure don't."
But Stimulators has thus far stood by their policy change.
"I really don't understand what all the fuss is about. We here at Stimulators are mostly worried that one of our employees is going to cause another 9/11 when he should be insuring there are no sharp edges on our R2-D2 butt plugs. For us, its all about customer satisfaction, not holy war."
There are some that fear Stimulators policy may cause a mass exodus by Muslims and those looking for an excuse to get on welfare so they can stay home and watch The Price Is Right.
"If someone tells you 'wait until break to chop the hand off the guy who stole your last M&M,' and break time is not for another two hours," employee Ala ad-Din ad-Durubi Basha told WBS News. "Your not going to be thinking about work anymore, only chopping off that hand, as Allah commands. You need to let us exact our revenge when the mood hits us, or what's the point of killing at all?"
Only two months ago a similar dispute erupted at Dark Stars, a Canadian based laser tag arena in Winnipeg, Manitoba. Jihad friendly employees were asked to not replace the light guns used in the large indoor maze, with real guns when females arrived with exposed midriffs. Management was stunned to see multiple employees walk out when the new policy was implemented, "We were stunned to see multiple employees walk out when the new policy was implemented." Said Harry Galleon, owner of Dark Stars and president of The Canadian Redundant Society (CRS).
In an attempt to quell the growing anger among its one employee that cares, Stimulators has built a 'jihad friendly' room next to the bathroom on the production floor. The room consists of concreate walls surrounding multiple mannequins of all sexes and ages. Here, employees can take up one of the many weapons distributed throughout the room and hack away at the mannequins until their blood lust is satiated. Firecrackers taped to a life jacket act as a stand in for an explosive vest and balls loaded with goat blood occupy the chamber of multiple paintball guns, both of which of are meant to help suppress the desire for jihad until after work. The room also doubles as a day care.
"I'm mostly surprised at how many companies from around the world have contacted us about our jihad room." Says the ass hole who's idea it was to build it. "They obviously see the importance of allowing employees to let off a little steam. Jihad is much like an alien larva burrowing into your neck; if left unchecked it will continue to grow until you have to wear a turtle neck sweaters to hide it's presence. You know, now that I say that out loud I can see it doesn't make a lot of sense. Would you mind not printing that? It kinda' makes me look like an idiot."
"We're just trying to earn a living here without stirring up too much trouble." Stimulators employee Ibrahim Hurr told WBS News. "Rishaan is the only one making a fuss about having to wait until lunch break to blow-up apostates. I keep telling him that Allah is fine with waiting until the weekend to toss homosexuals off a roof, but he wont listen."
Social justice warriors, taking a break from attacking men and policing language, say employees at the company, which makes sexual devices shaped like Star Wars characters, are being forced to quit because their religious rights are being infringed upon.
"By forcing jihadists to commit acts of holy war only during coffee and lunch breaks, it paints our country out to be awash with narrow-minded bigots." Says Joseph Berne, head of the 'Intolerance of Intolerance Project'. "Do you really want people to be stripped of their right to stab an atheist or two in the afternoon? Or toss a water balloon filled with acid into the face of a girl heading to school? I sure don't."
But Stimulators has thus far stood by their policy change.
"I really don't understand what all the fuss is about. We here at Stimulators are mostly worried that one of our employees is going to cause another 9/11 when he should be insuring there are no sharp edges on our R2-D2 butt plugs. For us, its all about customer satisfaction, not holy war."
There are some that fear Stimulators policy may cause a mass exodus by Muslims and those looking for an excuse to get on welfare so they can stay home and watch The Price Is Right.
"If someone tells you 'wait until break to chop the hand off the guy who stole your last M&M,' and break time is not for another two hours," employee Ala ad-Din ad-Durubi Basha told WBS News. "Your not going to be thinking about work anymore, only chopping off that hand, as Allah commands. You need to let us exact our revenge when the mood hits us, or what's the point of killing at all?"
Only two months ago a similar dispute erupted at Dark Stars, a Canadian based laser tag arena in Winnipeg, Manitoba. Jihad friendly employees were asked to not replace the light guns used in the large indoor maze, with real guns when females arrived with exposed midriffs. Management was stunned to see multiple employees walk out when the new policy was implemented, "We were stunned to see multiple employees walk out when the new policy was implemented." Said Harry Galleon, owner of Dark Stars and president of The Canadian Redundant Society (CRS).
In an attempt to quell the growing anger among its one employee that cares, Stimulators has built a 'jihad friendly' room next to the bathroom on the production floor. The room consists of concreate walls surrounding multiple mannequins of all sexes and ages. Here, employees can take up one of the many weapons distributed throughout the room and hack away at the mannequins until their blood lust is satiated. Firecrackers taped to a life jacket act as a stand in for an explosive vest and balls loaded with goat blood occupy the chamber of multiple paintball guns, both of which of are meant to help suppress the desire for jihad until after work. The room also doubles as a day care.
"I'm mostly surprised at how many companies from around the world have contacted us about our jihad room." Says the ass hole who's idea it was to build it. "They obviously see the importance of allowing employees to let off a little steam. Jihad is much like an alien larva burrowing into your neck; if left unchecked it will continue to grow until you have to wear a turtle neck sweaters to hide it's presence. You know, now that I say that out loud I can see it doesn't make a lot of sense. Would you mind not printing that? It kinda' makes me look like an idiot."
