My neighbours are a decent, middle aged couple that are outgoing and generous to all in the area; she, by baking all sorts of goodies and leaving them on door steps, and he, by cutting everyone's grass or raking their leaves. The one drawback to all this is that they are both 'nudists', so its a very common occurrence to see him in nothing but a faded straw hat, bent over a flower bed, pulling weeds. Or she, sitting on the porch with a lemonade, shooing the flies from her crotch.
The first part of the night consisted of pleasant chit-chat between the ten or so guests and a lovely dinner that only made three people sick. Then, as the sun set, the Ouija board was spread out across the dining room table and four people, including my hosts, seated around it while the rest of us watched.
As soon as the Ouija was placed on the table a strange feeling filled my heart, it reminded me of the sensation I get just before letting the air out of a strangers tires. There was something foreboding about it, something that just didn't seem right. It was so disquieting, I approached my host and suggested she postpone it's use until the spirits were not so restless. She responded by asking me to stop bending the forks and get out of her house, neither of which I did.
The lights were dimmed and the people around the board placed their finger tips on the planchette. My host closed her eyes and began to moan like a nun at an orgy, then asked a simple questions.
"Are there any spirits in this room?"
The planchette slowly made it's way to the word "YES", and stopped.
The general reaction of the guests was inappropriately light hearted. They chortled and poked each other jokingly in the ribs, obviously having no understanding of the magnitude of what they had just witnessed. A message from 'beyond' had been received, and all they were interested in was making jokes and giggling.
"Are you contacting us from the other side?" Was the next question, which was answered in the affirmative as well.
"Is there anyone in this room you would like to speak to?"
To my horror, the planchette slowly drug their hands around the board until it had clearly spelled out my name. I was stunned. The world went momentarily dark, then rushed back into focus right as I was hitting the floor. I had only fainted one other time in my life and just like now, no one bothered to catch me then either.
I jumped back to my feet in embarrassment and made some crude excuse about being week from snorting heroin all day, but this was pointless considering not only did nobody seem to care about my fainting, they didn't even seem to notice.
Once my head was clear I approached my hosts and asked them to question this spirit on what it wanted from me.
"What is it you want from him?" She asked.
As their hands drifted from one letter to the next I watched with intense concentration. I hoped the spirit didn't want to borrow money or use my car to go on a weekend excursion with some floosy. My god, what if it needed a place to crash for a couple of weeks. I didn't want some entity floating around my house, eating all my Oreos and smoking all my weed.
When they were done, the message was simple and clear, 'LEAVE THE FORKS ALONE AND GET OUT'. It was a disappointing relief. I apologized to my hosts for having to leave, but I couldn't disobey the spirits for fear of ghostly retribution. They were very understanding about it and suggested I never come back, for fear of angering the phantasms of the board. But they assured me they would periodically check back with the Ouija to see if the spirits had changed their mind, and as soon as they did, I would be welcome once more.