After having watched several clips of Mr. Popoff on line, I knew immediately that he would be the one I could turn to for help. He seemed to have an undeniable ability to communicate with god through prayer. In one such clip, I watch as he snatched the cane from an elderly woman's hand, then told her to run as if she were being chased by zombies. The woman promptly feel over and began to cry, but the way Popoff stepped over her and continued as if nothing happened, led me to believe that his confidence in the Lord healing this woman in his own time, was unshakable.
Most of the people at the gathering were much worse off then myself, which I considered a bonus since it meant I would have little trouble fighting my way to the front of the line. The ones in wheelchairs were the easiest to bypass because they had been seated as far away from Popoff as possible. That was odd to me, you would think the ones in most need of the Lords healing energy would be the ones Popoff would want to help the most, but it turned out, he not only did not help anyone in a wheelchair or with a missing limb, but actively avoided them. There was one man who's hand was crushed in a waffle press that did get healed, although I didn't see it. When the man began to wave his mangled digits in Popoff's face, two of Popoff's helpers tasered him in the neck and drug him behind the curtain for what I assume was to be a private session later that day, Popoff is generous with his time, like that.
The majority of the healings I witnessed involved things that would be difficult to prove without closer examination, such as the curing of a blood disease, or the man who's foreskin was restored. There were some people whose ailments he was not able to heal at that moment, like the attractive young girl that clamed to be suffering from sex addiction. Popoff had her wait in his trailer until the service was finished so he could give her his full attention, I thought that was very considerate of him.
I eventually kicked the crutch out from under some annoying kid crying about his tumors, and made it to the front of the line, where Popoff greeted me with a loving smile and crooked toupee. I don't know that I've ever met someone with so much charm and charisma before. There was a strange glow about him, and I'm not just talking about his cheep spray on tan, or blinding tooth caps, no, this glow came from deep inside of him, like he had swallowed a light saber. Because of a court order I don't get to meet many people, so being around someone of his calibre allowed me to feel that rare sense of love and devotion one only gets when talking to Oprah, whom I'm sure would approve of Popoff.
When Popoff laid his hands on me (which kind of smelt like fish) I felt a burst of energy course through my body, just like that time I mistook grandpa's cattle prod for a toothbrush. A bright light flashed before my eyes, causing me to stumble backward into the lap of a large harry gentleman in the front row, who had been cured of lycanthropy only moment before. The man must have thought I had hurt my groin in the fall, because he grabbed hold of my privates and commenced to knead them like they were bread dough. I distracted him with a quick card trick before I could slip free from his powerful grasp and get back to Popoff, who threw his arm around me and asked if my ovaries felt better. Not wanting to disappoint him, I said they felt much better and that I believed I would now be able to have that little Korean child I always drempt of. Popoff seemed pleased and gave me a purple sucker which I would have treasure forever if I hadn't eaten it.
Although Popoff did not cure my ailment, I have no doubt that had he not mistaken me for a woman with plumbing problems, my drippy nipples would no longer be an issue. I further believe that had he not been able to cure me, I would have concocted some excuse in my head about a lack of faith on my part, and not Popoff being full of shit, so either way he would come out on top. Lastly, I believe that a man of Popoff's talent is always going to have to deal with naysayers and disbelievers, but this is understandable because there are so many charlatans out there pretending to be something they are not, just like that stupid faith healer James Randi exposed as a fraud on The Tonight Show so many years ago.