Spreading the word of God can be a difficult burden, but what could be better then working for the lord? I guess working at Jurassic Park would be pretty sweet as well, until the dinosaurs got loose and ate you, but besides that, there is no higher calling then yelling at strangers about how much God loves them.
It's sad, but I have found that lately, more and more people seem to be completely disinterested in hearing about how God is going to boil their flesh off in the pits of hell. You may not believe this but on more then one occasion I've had people tell me that they would rather go to hell and burn, then spend eternity fetching God's slippers and writing his name in the clouds. Imagine that, actually preferring the company of Satan over God! I think this warped mind set has something to do with Rap music, although I'm not quite sure how just yet.
Public parks are still the best places to get His word across. I like to bring an angry Rottweiler with me while I stand on a picnic table and scream about Jesus. The Rottweiler really serves no purpose other then scaring old people and children, but this is a good thing because if a little doggie foaming at the mouth and tearing apart a raw chicken scares you, you need to really think about what kind of person you are, because Satan is a lot more frightening and even angrier at chicken.
The one down side to the public parks is that whimpering atheist filth tend to hang out there and are always ready to engage in debate, which is kind of annoying. Just let me froth at the mouth as I shriek about the Lord and get on with my day. Why all the annoying questions like, "why is your God such a dick?", or "your dog just bit me, does it have rabies?" I don't have answers to theses silly questions, heck, I haven't even read the bible. I did try a couple of times but all the "so and so begat so and so" got really tiring after a while.
I've been told many time that the way to lead people to God is with gentle words and thoughtful interaction not hostility and rage, but those people are ass-holes that will soon burn in a pit of fire. Hell is not a place where you dance on marshmallow clouds while sipping from a chalice made of good intentions. No, Hell is the worst place you can possibly imagine and people need this made very clear to them, for their own good. What kind of servant to God would I be if I sugar coated the fact that they are going to have their genitals dipped in boiling feces for all time, unless they stop looking at Lady Gaga's boobies, and start sucking up to Jesus.
And this is all it really takes, a little brown nosing to the son God, if you would just spend your days saying to Jesus, "I'm unworthy scum, not fit to lick the drool from your beard", or "I'm worthless pig vomit, save me from my own stupidity", voila, you'd be in heaven with God playing shuffleboard and watching Charlton Heston movies.
I realize there are some people not frightened by the truth of my words, but those people probably have a of tumor pressing on their brain. I further realize that some people have different beliefs about what will happen after you die and they do not include Hell or Jesus. These people are deluded because of their upbringing, had they been brought up like me, with the teachings of Jesus being pounded into their pliable young minds since birth, they too would see just how true the bible is and how wrong their silly eight toed platypus God, or whatever they worship, is.
Unfortunately, some people are unable to see the truth, no matter how many times you hit them with a bible or send drawings of their children being decapitated by Satan to their homes, they refuse to listen to reason. But, that's why I'm here, to help people see the error of their ways and to show them that no matter how putrid they are, or how deserving of an aluminum bat to the side of the head they are, Jesus will always be there for them and if they don't like it, tuff shit.