The same thing that always happens.
And the secret is this....there are infinite versions of you in the universe who want to contact you and help you succeed.
Just let that sink in for a moment.
According to the guys who look through telescopes, the universe is infinite. This unfathomable vastness breeds a series of limitless possibilities, regardless of how improbable. There are universes strewn throughout the cosmos where endless versions of ourselves have chosen the life paths we desired but never had the courage to follow.
Not only are there other versions of ourselves out there, they desperately want to help us become rich and successful like they are. All we have to do is contact them.
But you probably don't think that's possible. Well think again, dummy. It is.
But it will take more than just a leap of faith, it will take....
A Quantum Jump.
Introducing Quantum Jumping
Quantum Jumping is the accumulation of my 25 years research into fields like meditation, remote viewing, whisky blackouts, and blotter acid, just to name a few.
It is a highly advanced technique that allows me to connect with other versions of myself in order to elicit wisdom and guidance.
I've spent years cultivating my knowledge and studying with some of the world’s greatest spiritual teachers. I've taught royalty, presidents, Sith Lords, and stood before audiences numbering in the high single digits.
But now that I'm getting older, the idea of leaving my home to teach troglodytes how to meditate is about as appealing as an ass full of thumbtacks. So I have decided to spread my knowledge through the internet instead.
It is my promise to you to provide proven techniques that have been successfully tested and refined on trillions of life forms throughout the galaxy. Techniques that could very well change your life for the better (but probably wont).
Tell Me More
As we grow older we become inundated in the minutiae of everyday life. Like a retarded ferret on a hot plate, we leap from moment to moment, never ending up where we thought we would. We cave to societal pressures foisted upon us by lemmings and sheep who long ago lost their ability to strive for greatness. But we don't need to be like them.
Quantum Jumping employs a highly advanced visualization technique that allows the practitioner to not only communicate with alternate versions of themselves, but to physically bring those versions into our world.
Once here your doppelganger can help with every aspect of life, from simple advice to the full on murder of a mouthy barista, but I recommend against having people killed.
Quantum Jumping will change your life, that is a guarantee. You need but look at me to see the benefits one can acquire. I've never grown a tail or strangled myself masturbating. Never had a piano dropped on my head or fish swim up my urine stream. Never been bitten by a Werewolf or raped by a prisoner, all due to the glory of Quantum Jumping.
I could very easily have fallen into the trap of becoming a serial cat abductor like so many of my childhood friends. But my ability to contact wiser versions of myself and ask for advice, is the reason I didn't shoot myself in the face with a harpoon gun, long ago.
But I'm not the only one who feels this way, just look at what a few of my students had to say about their experience with Quantum Jumping;
- "After months of meditation and self hypnosis I was finally able to bring another version of myself into our world. Three days later he stole my car and ran off with my wife. I think about killing myself a lot."
- "Since I started Quantum Jumping my pimp has stopped beating me with his wallet chain and I haven't had to pee on a customer in weeks. All I need is for this infection to stop seeping and my life will be complete. Thank you, Quantum Jumping."
- "I buy drugs from a version of me with a dagger tattoo on his face. I sometimes wake in the middle of the night to find him standing over me, sweating and angry. Quantum Jumping scares me."
- "What the fuck are you doing in my house again, pervert."
- I was super dumb. Then I Quantum Jump. Now I super smart. I like pudding.
Now lets talk about money. How much would you pay to have the wisdom and the power of the God's?
Lets try again.
How much would you pay for a 3-part video series explaining the power of the subconscious mind and how to use it? If you said forty-eight thousand dollars you're an idiot and don't deserve to be here. However if you said $29.99 you are exactly correct. That's only ten dollars per sixty minute video, or the price of one hand job in the bathroom of Denny's.
For an extra $4.99 I will also throw in a copy of my newest poem entitled, "Dripping Down Her Leg; The brother I never knew." And a copy of a rare photograph showing Elvis Presley saying "No" to a plate of cheese.
Don't let this incredible opportunity disappear like an old woman's desire for oral. As a special gift to you, contact me within the next eleven years and receive a free bag back hair.
I hope to hear from you soon.