Just last week I got into an uproar with an elderly gentleman at the hospital who clamed that the bible was not only wrong on most of it's moral presumptions, but that if he ran out of toilet paper, he would not use its pages to wipe his rear end, for fear of making his ass filthier. I admit to being slightly offended by this, but he was in the middle of receiving chemotherapy for pancreatic cancer, and I knew he would soon be dead, so my feeling of anger was short lived..
Science is something that is continually thrown in my face when it comes to the legitimise of the bible; "In the book of Joshua, how could God have made the sun stand still in the sky, and why are you in my living room?" Is something I hear quite often. We know today that it is the earth that revolves around the sun and not vice versa, but the people of Joshua's time had no concept of this, so they wrote from their limited perspective. Obviously, it was the earth that stopped spinning and not the sun. There is plenty of evidence to suggest this, none of which I care to look for. However, I do know there were thousands of solders in the battle this miracle occurred at, none of whom ever wrote a book contradicting Joshua or went on a talk show attempting to discredit his word. Surely, one of them would have turned this story of deception into a T.V. movie staring Bruce Boxleitner or Larry Hagman, or at the very least Blogged about it.
Noah and his ark is another big one with the pagan swine. They argue that not only is it impossible to fit several million species of animals onto one boat, but that in order to repopulate the earth, Noah would have had to have sex with his sons wives, and their children, and their grandchildren, which would obviously cause a serious genetic glitch.
As for getting all the animals on to the boat, nowhere in the bible does it say anything about their age. The animals could very well have been newborns which makes them very small and easily packed into Rubbermaid bins which could then be stacked on top of one another in orderly piles. The thing about Noah having to procreate with his daughters in law, hurts my brain to think about, so I'm just going to skip over that one.
Matthew 27:52-53, states that along with Jesus, hundreds of graves opened up and the bodies of the once deceased started walking around the city. According to the filthy infidels, this spectacle is mentioned only in the bible and no where else in contemporary writing, which they claim is preposterous, considering such an improbable occurrence would surly have been recorded by others. My explanation for this is a simple one; at this time in history people had no indoor plumbing, no shower, no way to launder their clothing, other than the same river they shit in, and no soap. Because of this, every single person was a stinky, filthy mess, indistinguishable from a corpse. If you did happen to bump into someone that had been dead for six weeks, you would have no way of knowing without asking them if they had recently been resurrected, which you would almost never do in polite conversation. Because of this, only Matthew, who was there, was perspective enough to notice.
My point here is to show that although there may be many, many, many, many, many, apparent contradictions and inaccuracies in the bible, an intelligent individual needs only spend a few moments in quiet contemplation to find that there is a simple answer to every claim of shenanigans. I ask only that you keep an open mind when reading the words of the Lord, and that you stop keying my car if you happen to be one of the kids from my neighbourhood.