When I saw it I remember thinking, "Wow, he must really hate cutlery." And then I thought, "You know what? Fuck cutlery! You bend that shit, my man." And he did, again and again.
The image of him bending those spoons stayed with me for years. I just couldn't figure out how someone could have done what he had without using witchcraft or thaumaturgy (todays word of the day).
And then, just like every other kid who electrocutes themselves climbing a cell phone tower, I forgot all about the magic of the spoons (along with how to recognize shapes and colors) and moved on with my life, until recently.
Last month I came across the very same spoon bending clip on YouTube while looking for videos of one legged people playing hop-scotch. I watched it over and over in an attempt to decipher the trick, but just like when I was young, the bending of the spoons left me mystified.
Contrary to what my boss said before he fired me, I am not a brainless, fucktard. I'm actually pretty clever when it comes to magic and illusion, so when I couldn't figure out what sort of trick Urine Yeller was using to bend those spoons, it became obvious to me there was no trick at all, instead it had to be real magic.
Just to clarify, when I say "real magic," I'm not talking about the kind of magic that involves pulling a coin out of your vagina, I'm referring to serious, no bullshit magic, like the kind needed to put together a bookcase from Ikea.
Some of you may rightly point out I'm using an argument from ignorance, meaning that just because I am incapable of figuring out the trick, it does not necessarily mean there isn't a natural solution to what I saw. To you people I give the same response I give homeless people who ask me for spare change on the street....Sorry, I don't speak english.
This takes me back to my increasingly smelly bedroom where I've been barricaded for several weeks.
Scattered across the bed are dozens of spoons which I have been diligently concentrating on for up to 16 hours a day. As of this morning I have yet to see change in a single spoon, I'm starting to think the only way I'm going to bend these damn things is to shove one up my ass and get on a roller-coaster ( or I suppose I could just bend them with my hands).
However, I am in no way deterred from my goal. If I need to stay in this room for another 3 weeks, so be it.
3 WEEKS LATER
Oh, my god, do I feel like an idiot.
Last night out of frustration over still not being able to bend a spoon with my noggin, I decided to type "How to bend a spoon" into the search bar on YouTube. What I expected to find were videos of people just as confused as I, pitching themselves off rooftops or crawling into ovens, over their inability to solve the riddle of the spoon. Instead, what I found were dozens and dozens of short videos explaining how the trick was done, and yes I did use the word "trick."
It turns out spoon bending can be accomplished with misdirection and a little slight of hand, which has me wondering why Urine Yeller would use his magic powers to do something anyone could do with simple trickery?
I suppose it's possible he didn't actually have any powers to begin with, but thinking this would mean I was fooled by a cheap charlatan with a bad haircut, and I'm not willing to accept that proposition.
I'm still convinced Mr. Urine possess telekinetic powers, although I am a little disappointed he chose not use them for the greater good, instead of childish parlor tricks? What he should have been doing with his power is something useful, like straitening coat hangers at the laundry matt, or popping the clasps on bikini tops at the beach, but instead he chose to bend spoons on television. What a waste.
So, when I finally do tap into my telekinetic abilities, which I hope will be soon, I vow to only use those powers for good. The spoons I bend will be sold on eBay and all the profits (minus 90% for myself) will be used to purchase cabbage and cheese for needy Ukrainian immigrants, and plastic furniture covers for low income Italians. This is my solemn pledge and I never go back on my word...well, almost never.